Elder Financial Abuse, part 2: Self-Help and Practical Advice

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Today I am writing for you our elders, on the second chapter of this elder financial abuse series.

I understand that many of you are fully aware of the problems of elder financial abuse, but there may be aspects of it that you had not considered, or you may have friends, family, who are possible victims and want to show them something to read, so that they understand that they aren’t alone.

I want to cover two aspects: first, the characteristics of financial abuse at the hands of relatives that often go overlooked, the latest and most common scams perpetrated against seniors by third parties unknown to you or your family.

We are used to thinking of financial abuse at the hands of relatives with the worst-case scenario: drug addicted or unemployed relative who takes everything away little by little usually sums this up. But there are lesser events of a casual nature that you often don’t think of, that are considered an abuse of your finances, such as:

• That one relative who often borrows small amounts from you and always forgets to pay you back;
• The one(s) who take small amounts of cash from your wallet when they visit;
• The ones who go grocery shopping with you and load their items onto your shopping cart so that you will pay for them;
• The down-trodden, hard-time victim relative who comes to tell you time and time again what a bad life they’ve had and how they have no money, guilt-tripping you into helping them.
• What about the guys who do small things for you around the house, and often ask you for more cash because they need it, or in advance of the next time, and then fail to show?

If these things happened once, and were not repeated, it would be alright for you to help, if you wished. But when it becomes a pattern, you will need to find out a way to the cycle, as all of them constitute financial exploitation, of which you are victim.

What can you do?

First and this will be hardest, talk to someone. A relative, a trusted friend, your local elder assistance office. Asking for help does not make you an elderly person who needs full time assistance; it simply means that you need advice and possibly assistance to handle this matter alone. Many of you fear that you will be judged because you let yourselves fall into this trap, but the truth is that you have been abused and it can happen to anyone, youngsters included. When you allow someone else to know of your trouble you will find that facing the person(s) abusing your trust is not just the right thing, but also easier to do.

Many people think are ashamed of being financially
exploited, when the truth is that i can happen to anyone.

After you take matters into your own hands, you will need to do some self-study. Was there anything that you did that you could have done differently to prevent the situation? Many times the answer is no. Others, you may come to the realization that if you had put your foot down at the start it might not have gone this far. Others, it’s just a gray area.

Regardless of what this introspection may show you, use this as a learning experience and find ways to stop it from happening again. Here are some ideas based on personal experience of people who I have known to be victims of elder financial abuse:

If you are going to help a relative by your own choice, do so in a way that it will not affect your credit worthiness. Do not cosign loans or put up any of your property as warranty on a loan.

I like what my father-in-law Tom does. When he helps one of his children financially, he tells the rest; sometimes he even gives the same amount of help to the others. Either way he keeps track and makes it clear to his children that everyone will get the same and that at the time of his passing it will be sorted out who got what so that inheritance is fair.

But you can also be practical: don’t leave your wallet out or anywhere where it would be easy to find when people may come over: not in your purse, pants, jacket, nightstand, kitchen counter (that’s a big no-no, honestly) or coat closet. Find a good spot for it and never take out in front of anyone visiting.

Protect your checkbook. Keep it locked away and only pull it out to pay bills. Once or twice a month flip through them and make sure no checks have been pulled out. If you find a check missing, immediately contact your credit union or bank to stop it.

Protect your checkbook box, too. Yes, the box of checks that will be used when the current ones run out. Don’t leave them in a desk drawer; find a good spot for it.

Even better, do away with checks. I know this may be a hard habit to break if you have always used them but nowadays, with the credit union’s online banking, which has this great bill-paying system, you will need to learn it once and you will be free of checkbooks forever. You can also set up automatic payments of most bills nowadays, and direct deposits for every single thing that is a recurring payment. I assure you, you don’t need checks.

No, not even for cash. Debit cards are a great way to have access to money but also to just pay everywhere. And soon enough the credit union will switch to chip debit and credit cards, the safest card system in the world. Please, look at your monthly finances and see if you might be able to do away with checks, you will be much better off without them.

Get a safety deposit box. The credit union offers them at great prices. You can put your unused checkbooks, that rainy day credit card, the jewelry you want your kids and grandkids to inherit and your property titles in there.

Learn to say no. I look at my five year old daughter and wonder, can anyone do that? But as she gets older I have started to realize that sometimes saying no is the right thing. The same applies to you. It doesn’t make you a mean person, or cheap, or heartless, if you say no. The years that I worked at the credit union taught me that parents and grandparents who think they are helping their relatives are, most of the time, applying a bandage solution to a long term problem that they can’t possibly fix, or enabling the bad behaviors of those relatives by constantly helping them out of trouble.

Do you have to take care of your finances and have never done it before? No problem. Ask the credit union. Seriously!

Years ago when I worked at the cashier at the Credit Union, I remember teaching one man how to use a checkbook register and how to keep track of his money. He was an economist, but in his country they don’t have checkbooks or even checking accounts. So he asked me for help, and in a month he had it all figured out. Like him I helped many others, as did other staff at the credit union; it’s part of that Credit Union Difference, the aim to educate our members about money, and it’s the very reason for this blog.

Because of that, we have many, many times helped people learn how to use their accounts. You are not alone in this. We can teach you how to manage your money month-to-month, make a budget, go through your paperwork, help you save money, you name it. Everybody has to learn some time, and why not ask the people who you already trust with your money?

Which bring me to my closing point: you can always count on the Credit Union for help in all matters financial. If you find yourself/ves or someone close to you in a difficult situation of this nature, contact the credit union. Email, call, go to their office and tell them what’s happening. The Credit Union staff is trained to help you in these matters, and will immediately step into action to help.


Next article: the most common and latest trends in financial abuse at the hands of non-relatives.